“One cast to rule them all, one cast to find them; one cast to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.”
This is not a tale of heroism, nor is it the tale of an epic journey told in the style of JRR Tolkien. You will not read here of the courageous exploits of heroes like Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee or Aragorn, son of Arathorn. It’s more of a tale like that of Smeagol, also known as Gollum.
Today wasn’t my “one-hundred-and-eleventh birthday”; rather, it was my thirtieth birthday. I was alone on my birthday this year, my wife being in Minnesota for training for her new job and my son staying with his grandparents. In the novels of Tolkien, his infamous character Smeagol is notorious for his murder of his friend Deagol and becoming the haunted creature known as Gollum. He says things like, “It’s my birthday” and “Give it to us,” referring to the one ring. This afternoon, part of me started thinking of Gollum and his obsession with the one ring.
On the way home from school, I stopped and did some quick fishing at Hillsdale Lake. The one place where I have the least luck is below the dam at the lake, and this just happens to be my favorite local spot. I’m not sure what it is; I lose plenty of flies there and I rarely even get a bite from the big fish. I’ve stood there on the bank watching sturgeon, drums, and largemouth swim around and jump and bite at invisible tidbits, and they never even pay any attention to my flies. I have flies that never fail me at other spots--the black wooly bugger, the “carp tease,” and the Clouser’s minnow--and they always go unnoticed by these large fish. The only thing I’ve caught at the Hillsdale Dam are little pumpkinseed bluegill and itty-bitty largemouth.
I thought today would be different. After all, it’s my birthday. “Give it to us,” I said to the waters. The fish should know that it’s my birthday. For once, instead of me standing on the water’s edge catching only a sunburn, I was positive that I’d finally have my lucky day. I was positive that I would at least show up the other anglers with their traditional spinning reels and minnows. I felt entitled to something at least.
Those stupid, filthy fish. They never struck. They never even nibbled. For a while, I was sure that I’d hit a spot where some large bottom-dwelling fish was interested in my fly. I cast my line out about thirty feet. I convinced myself that it was a clean cast, a smooth cast. One that might have been pretty enough to post on YouTube, had it been recorded on video. It just felt right. After all, it’s my birthday. Despite the slight increase in the wind and my lack of practice this summer, I’d had several good casts in a row. I’d never had a good throwing arm. Never played baseball, and in school, my dodgeball game was characterized by a goofy-looking side-arm. I’d developed a similar side-arm roll cast. Nothing textbook, to be honest, but often I’d get the line to unroll in a nice, tight loop. Today saw me hitting several of these casts. I was sure that this was the cast that would set me up for a great afternoon of fishing. It was crisp, there was little extra splashing, and the fly was landing just right.
Down the way, another fisherman had a bite, and I grimaced as I watched him land a nice-sized largemouth. It’s my birthday, give it to us, I thought. I wanted so badly to catch something that I started despising this innocent fellow for his luck.
I’d first tied on my Clouser’s minnow. Nothing. I changed to a #8 black wooly bugger. Nothing. After ten minutes or so with that fly, I pulled it in to check it out. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t even snagged a little bluegill with it. Taking a closer look, I saw that it had been unraveling. It must have been due to a hard strike, I told myself. What most likely happened was that it was an older fly and it had been snagged and retrieved a few times too many. I snipped it off and tried something different.
Earlier this summer, I snagged a three- or four-pound largemouth on a fly called a “carp tease.” I’d also picked up a nice-size channel catfish on a similar fly. Surely it would bring me luck today. Not quite. It is now snagged on a rock on the bottom about ten feet from the shore. I moved a little further down the way to where the water looked more like a flowing river than the man-made spillway. I tied on an expensive fly that resembled a crayfish. This had also brought me a couple nice catfish, and I still felt lucky. It being a heavier fly, I didn’t have the same finesse with my casting, but I still got it out a good ways. It landed with a plop and the ripples in the water slowly spread out. Once they disappeared, I began pulled it in slowly, trying to mimic the movement of the crayfish. I kept feeling it catch. It didn’t feel like it was snagging on a rock; it felt like something was nibbling at it, taking it in its mouth just enough for me to feel it, but not enough for me to feel like I could effectively set the hook. I held the line tightly in my left hand and jerked up on the rod. It caught, but the line didn’t move like it should have when a fish was hooked. It stayed there, the taut line causing my rod to bend under its weight. I should have known.
In order to retrieve the fly without it breaking off, I walked up and down the shore, pulling with enough pressure to hopefully bring it in but not enough to break the leader. Or so I thought. I didn’t think I was tugging too hard, but before I knew it, the pressure broke and the empty line flew back at me, the fly gone.
I’d lost two best flies, and a third one was now ruined. The optimist in me thought that at least some of the snags were actually trophy fish sampling my flies and teasing me, but I know now that there probably were never any fish at the end of my line.
I was blinded by my eagerness; distracted and deceived into thinking that because it was my birthday I would have success. I began by thinking that the one case--the first cast--would set the precedent for the afternoon. When no fish bit on that first cast, I began thinking that the type of casting (my ugly side-arm roll cast) would be my salvation on the water. Three good flies later, I noticed how my leader was getting shorter and shorter and there were several wind knots that had pulled tight enough that I’d need to snip them off. Had there been any actual bites from fish or were they simply little snags on rocks? I’d like to think that by now I’d know the difference.
On the day that I turned thirty years old (the thirty-third anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death, FYI), I hoped that I would have had a great spell of fishing. When the fish didn’t bite, I couldn’t control myself. Instead of realizing that it was shortly after four o’clock in the afternoon, that it was ninety degrees Fahrenheit out, I probably didn’t have the right flies, and my leader was getting too knotted and too short, I became more and more convinced that I need only keep trying the same things over and over. Who was it that said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time?
Luckily, no one was around to become my Deagol. For an hour and a half, I took on a role more like the ill-fated Smeagol than like the noble and heroic Frodo. For a time I had convinced myself that I would prove to be the Lord of the Fly. After all, I told myself and the waters, today’s my birthday. Give it to us, my precious!
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Letter to my Students
Dear Students,
Plain and simple, teaching is something that I love to do. Paychecks or any sort of personal glory are not the things to which I look forward every day when I come to school. I enjoy working with high school-aged kids, I think school can be fun as well as educational, and I believe that you all have enormous potential. My philosophy is one of hard work, but with a balance of enjoyment in life. I always try to keep this outlook in mind: Work hard so that we can play hard. We have got to be able to work in a productive atmosphere, and if the work ethic falls short of expectations, then we will not be able to justify the “fun” I look forward to having with you.
Here are some candid bits of advice. Please take the time to read through these and the year should be a great one!
1) The type of person who will be successful in my class is the student who takes responsibility for his role in his own education. Be prepared to work hard because this is a rapidly-paced course with accelerated content. Have pride in what you produce in my class. Hold yourself accountable for any work you miss due to absences, and be sure to document assignments and due dates. Many of my students are also taking other honors or AP courses. If this is you, be extra careful in balancing your work in my class with your other classes, as well as your involvement with sports, music, and other activities. Remember that your primary role is as a student.
2) I don’t want to be your paper, pencil, or pen lender. Bring your own materials or borrow what you need from a fellow student. If you ask me, don’t be surprised if I give you a smart-aleck response. Bring whatever book we’re reading to class with you, and no, you cannot keep your textbooks in my room--be responsible!
3) Have pride in your work and make it your best. Don’t let perfectionism hold you back. There’s no such thing as a perfect essay, so be open to the fact that you can (and should) improve each time you write something for me. Perfectionism leads to a plateau effect, while true education involves a steady incline.
4) It’s time to hold yourself accountable for your work. I try to update the gradebook as often as I can, but I’m not here to pamper your bottom and remind you each time you fall behind. Find your own system for keeping on top of things.
5) If you’re taking this class to be with your friend, then you’ve made a poor decision. Too much socializing and gossiping not only annoys me, but it also brings down the quality of the class time. You’re responsible for what you take from my class, so if you spend the semester chatting and don’t like your final grade or feel like you haven’t grown academically, who should you blame?
6) Just because we get along, doesn’t mean that I’m going to give you any special breaks. Conversely, just because we butt heads, doesn’t mean that you’ll never get a break from me. I will be fair with all my students.
7) Flattery gets you nowhere with me. Save the brown-nosing for someone else.
8) My honors English class is as important as all of your other honors or AP classes. Even though there’s no AP test, this is still an accelerated course that needs your full attention.
9) “Life” happens to us all at the worst times. Things that are beyond our control pop up and make it seem like nothing can go right for us. However, you only get to use that excuse so many times before I get sick of hearing it.
10) You’re a student above all else--even your involvement in activities. Even school sports. Even those expensive club teams or dance lessons or music lessons that you might be participating in.
11) Effort alone will not necessarily get you a higher grade. Sometimes that’s the way of the world. It isn’t fair, is it? I hear it all the time: “But I worked all night!” or “I studied for days!” or “So-and-so didn’t even read all of the novel and he/she still did better than me on the test!” Did you put your best effort forth? Did you gain anything? Can you take the time to reflect and honestly answer these questions when you find yourself falling short of your goals? Think about it, and then think about how you can tailor your future endeavors so that you avoid similar disappointments.
12) In my opinion, grades are a representation of your performance through the semester, not an accumulation of points. The various grade weightings represent the averages of your performances on the various types of assignments. All assignments are worth 100 points then. A 4-question quiz has the same value as a 20-question quiz--they’re both worth 75% and reflect a C performance (an average performance).
13) I don’t believe in “Extra Credit.” All too often, students receive extra credit for doing next-to-nothing and this practice leads to grade inflation. I do not offer special opportunities to individual students so that they can raise their grades, so please don’t ask. I do offer “Bonus Points”--everyone has an opportunity to earn these points, students have to work to earn them, and they are valuable enough that they may make the difference when the overall grade is “almost there”.
14) Be ready to work in my class. The only spoon-feeding I do is with my toddler son. Don’t let perfectionism interfere with your growth.
15) Please understand that until you realize that you’re on a journey of self-discovery, your educational experience will be as pointless as you think it is. Figure out how to feed yourself and when food is scarce, you’ll be more likely to survive than the others. Likewise, figure out how to challenge yourself when the course seems “pointless” or “easy” and you’ll end the semester feeling like a mental giant.
Aside from the daily lessons you’ll have with me this semester, these tidbits are the best advice I can give you. Many of them I learned the hard way, but in the end, they helped make me who I am today. Heed my advice and remember that we’re on the same team.
Plain and simple, teaching is something that I love to do. Paychecks or any sort of personal glory are not the things to which I look forward every day when I come to school. I enjoy working with high school-aged kids, I think school can be fun as well as educational, and I believe that you all have enormous potential. My philosophy is one of hard work, but with a balance of enjoyment in life. I always try to keep this outlook in mind: Work hard so that we can play hard. We have got to be able to work in a productive atmosphere, and if the work ethic falls short of expectations, then we will not be able to justify the “fun” I look forward to having with you.
Here are some candid bits of advice. Please take the time to read through these and the year should be a great one!
1) The type of person who will be successful in my class is the student who takes responsibility for his role in his own education. Be prepared to work hard because this is a rapidly-paced course with accelerated content. Have pride in what you produce in my class. Hold yourself accountable for any work you miss due to absences, and be sure to document assignments and due dates. Many of my students are also taking other honors or AP courses. If this is you, be extra careful in balancing your work in my class with your other classes, as well as your involvement with sports, music, and other activities. Remember that your primary role is as a student.
2) I don’t want to be your paper, pencil, or pen lender. Bring your own materials or borrow what you need from a fellow student. If you ask me, don’t be surprised if I give you a smart-aleck response. Bring whatever book we’re reading to class with you, and no, you cannot keep your textbooks in my room--be responsible!
3) Have pride in your work and make it your best. Don’t let perfectionism hold you back. There’s no such thing as a perfect essay, so be open to the fact that you can (and should) improve each time you write something for me. Perfectionism leads to a plateau effect, while true education involves a steady incline.
4) It’s time to hold yourself accountable for your work. I try to update the gradebook as often as I can, but I’m not here to pamper your bottom and remind you each time you fall behind. Find your own system for keeping on top of things.
5) If you’re taking this class to be with your friend, then you’ve made a poor decision. Too much socializing and gossiping not only annoys me, but it also brings down the quality of the class time. You’re responsible for what you take from my class, so if you spend the semester chatting and don’t like your final grade or feel like you haven’t grown academically, who should you blame?
6) Just because we get along, doesn’t mean that I’m going to give you any special breaks. Conversely, just because we butt heads, doesn’t mean that you’ll never get a break from me. I will be fair with all my students.
7) Flattery gets you nowhere with me. Save the brown-nosing for someone else.
8) My honors English class is as important as all of your other honors or AP classes. Even though there’s no AP test, this is still an accelerated course that needs your full attention.
9) “Life” happens to us all at the worst times. Things that are beyond our control pop up and make it seem like nothing can go right for us. However, you only get to use that excuse so many times before I get sick of hearing it.
10) You’re a student above all else--even your involvement in activities. Even school sports. Even those expensive club teams or dance lessons or music lessons that you might be participating in.
11) Effort alone will not necessarily get you a higher grade. Sometimes that’s the way of the world. It isn’t fair, is it? I hear it all the time: “But I worked all night!” or “I studied for days!” or “So-and-so didn’t even read all of the novel and he/she still did better than me on the test!” Did you put your best effort forth? Did you gain anything? Can you take the time to reflect and honestly answer these questions when you find yourself falling short of your goals? Think about it, and then think about how you can tailor your future endeavors so that you avoid similar disappointments.
12) In my opinion, grades are a representation of your performance through the semester, not an accumulation of points. The various grade weightings represent the averages of your performances on the various types of assignments. All assignments are worth 100 points then. A 4-question quiz has the same value as a 20-question quiz--they’re both worth 75% and reflect a C performance (an average performance).
13) I don’t believe in “Extra Credit.” All too often, students receive extra credit for doing next-to-nothing and this practice leads to grade inflation. I do not offer special opportunities to individual students so that they can raise their grades, so please don’t ask. I do offer “Bonus Points”--everyone has an opportunity to earn these points, students have to work to earn them, and they are valuable enough that they may make the difference when the overall grade is “almost there”.
14) Be ready to work in my class. The only spoon-feeding I do is with my toddler son. Don’t let perfectionism interfere with your growth.
15) Please understand that until you realize that you’re on a journey of self-discovery, your educational experience will be as pointless as you think it is. Figure out how to feed yourself and when food is scarce, you’ll be more likely to survive than the others. Likewise, figure out how to challenge yourself when the course seems “pointless” or “easy” and you’ll end the semester feeling like a mental giant.
Aside from the daily lessons you’ll have with me this semester, these tidbits are the best advice I can give you. Many of them I learned the hard way, but in the end, they helped make me who I am today. Heed my advice and remember that we’re on the same team.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thoughts on Parenting
I heard Joel Osteen on television say, "If you don't tell your children who they are, then someone else will." Giving a child a sense of identity is such an important job for a parent, yet kids spend an incredible amount of time searching on their own, wondering who they are. They look everywhere for this identity, when all along, their parents have been trying to keep it in plain sight. Emily and I have no clue who Brody will be, what kind of student or athlete he will be, or what his passions will be. Someday, he'll come to us and ask us what kind of child he was. What would we tell him?
My wife and I haven't filled out Brody's baby books near as well as we've been sure to make posts and notes about him on Facebook. There are all of these memories of various firsts that we don't want to forget; the baby books are never handy or convenient, but FB never fails to be a great forum for us to use in bragging about our son. There are so many images of Brody that are difficult to capture with words, so I've been good about capturing pictures on my cell phone. My screen saver at school is a slideshow of his childhood to date. The point is that I love him with all my heart and I would do absolutely anything for him. He is our flesh and blood, a life created from our love with the grace of God.
I've come to realize that as human beings in this day and age, our models for parenting are our own parents (the good, the bad, and the ugly), what we see on TV or in movies or in books, and the parents with whom we interact on a daily basis. These models come together in our minds to form the ideal parent, the "Super-dad" or the "Mega-mom." We hope and pray that we will do well as parents, and we cross our fingers that our children won't hate us or run out on us. We sit back and look at the problems of other parents and make our judgments. It's sad that we make these judgments, but it's also so easy to make these judgments and to condemn people for their parenting sins. As a teacher and a Christian man, I truly pray that God gives me the wisdom to know better than to make the mistake of prejudging too much from the outside.
I heard a story the other day about a woman who was with her daughter at church camp. One day they were doing dome horseback riding. The woman held her 3-year-old daughter in front of her as they rode. The horse bucked, throwing both mother and daughter. In order to protect her daughter, the mother held her closely, dropped her own shoulder, and used her own body to bear the brunt of the impact. Her hip was broken in two places, she had a couple cracked ribs, and her shoulder was dislocated. The little girl had just a couple scrapes and bruises. She was told that it would be an excruciating road to recovery. The poor woman acted in such a way that any parent should act. After all, who wouldn't want to protect their child in such a manner or in such a situation?
With every bit of my heart, I know fully that I would do just that to protect my son, and I would do much more to protect him. At some point during parenthood, a parent truly realizes how much he really needs to do to put the child before himself. I'm sure that if anyone were to offer the subtlest suggestion that a parent felt any other way, then this parent would be on his feet shouting and punching the air with his clinched fists. But I've seen it too often in the seven years I've been a teacher and coach. Something changes along the way, and people forget to put their children ahead of them.
Somewhere, the questions are no longer "What is best for my son?", "How can I make things right for my daughter?", and "What do I need to do to protect my children?" The questions become "Why isn't my son more like so-and-so?", "How am I going to deal with this mess my daughter has created?", and "What will they think of me as a parent?" For some people, life happens too quickly or too suddenly and before they know it they find themselves stuck in a whirlpool of self-centered thinking.
I hope to never get caught in that swirling vortex of self-centered compulsion. It's nearly impossible to escape once you have become wholly consumed by how things affect you. You naturally find yourself needing to know why things are happening to you, when you are supposed to deal with things, or who might happen to be judging you. Perhaps above all, you constantly ask how on earth you're going to be able to deal with these things. The uncontrollable obsession with yourself becomes a piece of driftwood. It keeps you afloat and allows you to get gasps of air, but you're still being sucked toward the center of the eddy, your submersion becoming more and more inevitable.
As parents, we all run that risk of falling into the whirlpool. We could accidentally swim too close to its current--we'd have had no intention of becoming so self-centered, but we couldn't control it. What is it then that we can do if we should ever become caught? It no longer becomes a question of who's undermining your authority or stepping on your toes, and it's not about how you look as a parent. The question needs to once again come back to what's best for the child. The mother or father must place the child before themselves.
Coming back to the story of the mother who got bucked off the horse with her daughter, I don't think she ever cursed the horse for undermining her authority and pushing her into the control of gravity. Nor do I think she considered how to land safely so that she didn't hurt herself. Instinct took control and she protected her daughter, much the same way I pray that I will always watch out for Brody. May God give me the strength, wisdom, and guidance, and by putting Him first--truly first--I will have no problem in doing so, and Brody will know that he has always been a key component of the most cherished part of our lives--our marriage. He will know--whether it's from his baby books, our online blogs, or the affirmations we say to him--that his identity has always been blessed with our love.
My wife and I haven't filled out Brody's baby books near as well as we've been sure to make posts and notes about him on Facebook. There are all of these memories of various firsts that we don't want to forget; the baby books are never handy or convenient, but FB never fails to be a great forum for us to use in bragging about our son. There are so many images of Brody that are difficult to capture with words, so I've been good about capturing pictures on my cell phone. My screen saver at school is a slideshow of his childhood to date. The point is that I love him with all my heart and I would do absolutely anything for him. He is our flesh and blood, a life created from our love with the grace of God.
I've come to realize that as human beings in this day and age, our models for parenting are our own parents (the good, the bad, and the ugly), what we see on TV or in movies or in books, and the parents with whom we interact on a daily basis. These models come together in our minds to form the ideal parent, the "Super-dad" or the "Mega-mom." We hope and pray that we will do well as parents, and we cross our fingers that our children won't hate us or run out on us. We sit back and look at the problems of other parents and make our judgments. It's sad that we make these judgments, but it's also so easy to make these judgments and to condemn people for their parenting sins. As a teacher and a Christian man, I truly pray that God gives me the wisdom to know better than to make the mistake of prejudging too much from the outside.
I heard a story the other day about a woman who was with her daughter at church camp. One day they were doing dome horseback riding. The woman held her 3-year-old daughter in front of her as they rode. The horse bucked, throwing both mother and daughter. In order to protect her daughter, the mother held her closely, dropped her own shoulder, and used her own body to bear the brunt of the impact. Her hip was broken in two places, she had a couple cracked ribs, and her shoulder was dislocated. The little girl had just a couple scrapes and bruises. She was told that it would be an excruciating road to recovery. The poor woman acted in such a way that any parent should act. After all, who wouldn't want to protect their child in such a manner or in such a situation?
With every bit of my heart, I know fully that I would do just that to protect my son, and I would do much more to protect him. At some point during parenthood, a parent truly realizes how much he really needs to do to put the child before himself. I'm sure that if anyone were to offer the subtlest suggestion that a parent felt any other way, then this parent would be on his feet shouting and punching the air with his clinched fists. But I've seen it too often in the seven years I've been a teacher and coach. Something changes along the way, and people forget to put their children ahead of them.
Somewhere, the questions are no longer "What is best for my son?", "How can I make things right for my daughter?", and "What do I need to do to protect my children?" The questions become "Why isn't my son more like so-and-so?", "How am I going to deal with this mess my daughter has created?", and "What will they think of me as a parent?" For some people, life happens too quickly or too suddenly and before they know it they find themselves stuck in a whirlpool of self-centered thinking.
I hope to never get caught in that swirling vortex of self-centered compulsion. It's nearly impossible to escape once you have become wholly consumed by how things affect you. You naturally find yourself needing to know why things are happening to you, when you are supposed to deal with things, or who might happen to be judging you. Perhaps above all, you constantly ask how on earth you're going to be able to deal with these things. The uncontrollable obsession with yourself becomes a piece of driftwood. It keeps you afloat and allows you to get gasps of air, but you're still being sucked toward the center of the eddy, your submersion becoming more and more inevitable.
As parents, we all run that risk of falling into the whirlpool. We could accidentally swim too close to its current--we'd have had no intention of becoming so self-centered, but we couldn't control it. What is it then that we can do if we should ever become caught? It no longer becomes a question of who's undermining your authority or stepping on your toes, and it's not about how you look as a parent. The question needs to once again come back to what's best for the child. The mother or father must place the child before themselves.
Coming back to the story of the mother who got bucked off the horse with her daughter, I don't think she ever cursed the horse for undermining her authority and pushing her into the control of gravity. Nor do I think she considered how to land safely so that she didn't hurt herself. Instinct took control and she protected her daughter, much the same way I pray that I will always watch out for Brody. May God give me the strength, wisdom, and guidance, and by putting Him first--truly first--I will have no problem in doing so, and Brody will know that he has always been a key component of the most cherished part of our lives--our marriage. He will know--whether it's from his baby books, our online blogs, or the affirmations we say to him--that his identity has always been blessed with our love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)